Earlier this year I started to work from, and the routine started to be working perfectly. I do not necessarily despise the routine, like most people. My husband, an elementary special education teacher, and I would both wake up at 6:00 a.m. and start our day. He’d leave for school and I’d start my morning routine. He’d be home by 4:00 in the afternoon, the latest, and we would have plenty of together-time but not too much. (Ya know?)
That lasted around 3 whole months, because the world decided that 2020 was the perfect year for a big ole “turn everything upside down”. Schools in Arkansas closed for the remainder of the school year, and so did everything else around us. On the emotional spectrum of things most people were concerned about isolation, anxiety, depression, connection, physical affection with outside people (BIG DEAL for me). On the relationship side most people either joked (or not) about how half the marriages were either going to make it out of quarantined divorced or pregnant. Well what if I (we) really, really do not want either, like really do not.
We decided to set some ground rules, like I was genuinely concerned about the relational aspect of quarantine and its effect on my marriage. So we were going to try to stick to some type of routine at least make some big family meal daily, whether it was breakfast or dinner, have a bed time (we didn’t care if it was 2 a.m. or 6 p.m. but at least have some schedule. Knowing that we would NEED some alone-time at some point, and it was not personal neither we would take it personal. But we had just went from socializing, going out, having jobs, TO 100% just being at home with each other…(I love my husband and he adores me buuuuut no, thank you.) Among other extra rules…
It took some adjusting, particularly because we have been married a bit over 2 years and we are NOT the exception of the stat, rule or saying (I’m not sure if there is some science behind it) that those first two years are FREAKING hard. My only thoughts, and I am pretty sure his were too: we just made it over this 2-year hill and pandemic mode 2020 is ON so we might have to really get the prayers going UP.
But you guys….all these thoughts, plans, rules, fears, anxiety, worries that we had; and the main thing is that we (I, he?) forgot who we had married. I married my best friend, the most compassionate, patient, kind man on Earth. We make each other laugh like no other, and we forgot how much fun we have together. We forgot that we were best friends for 3 years before we even decided to start a relationship and that we had so much in common; besides bills, and loans, and stressors. We love the same humor, tv shows (that we had not watched in years), and ice cream at midnight.
We were so worried about what’s happened for two years, because we haven’t had time to pause and take in all we have also been working for while we argue; and add and subtract our income; and figure out if we are going to make it out even the next month. We forgot we have the same views in the awful things that go on in the world, and how much we love walking in the afternoon, how much we love driving in the country, cooking together, and how much we love praying together.
We forgot we make BIG things happen when we just stop worrying about rules and fears, and remembered that we thoroughly enjoy each other, because we are each other’s best friend.